The tampon dispenser in the bathroom at work is really low on the wall. So low that the disperser slot is actually pretty much at knee height - or kid height I guess. This is how I noticed…

4 year old boy - ‘Mom, what’s this?

Mom - ‘It sells stuff’

Boy - ‘Like cars?’

Mom - ‘No, other stuff’

Boy - ‘What kind of stuff?’

Mom - ‘Oh it’s not interesting’

Boy - ‘Can I get some?’

Mom - ‘No, you don’t need any’

Boy - ‘Why not?’

Mom - ‘You just don’t’

Boy - ‘Maybe I’ll need some when I’m older’

Mom - ‘No, I’m pretty sure you won’t’

Boy - ‘Oh, ok.’

Pause

Boy - ‘Mom, what’s this?’

Mom - ‘It’s where the stuff comes out’

Boy - ‘The stuff I don’t need even if I’m old’

Mom - ‘Yeah’

Boy - ‘Oh, ok.’

1. Adding raw onions to the salad you bring to work

2. Giving the dog the bone you dig up in the garden - 8 months after she buried it there

3. Eating chocolate-raspberry mousse cake when you’re really craving a light meal

4. Browsing through your 18 year-old brother’s pictures on facebook

5. Ironing your linen skirt and then cramming it into your bike shorts so it doesn’t get caught in the wheel on your way to work

6. Not cramming your linen skirt into your bike shorts so it doesn’t get caught in the wheel on your way to work

So I was brushing my teeth this morning and I got to thinking (very slowly of course, it wasn’t yet 7am) - anyway what I got to thinking is that toothpaste is going the way of the razors.

Razors used to be one blade, then two, then three, and now we’re at five - which just seems ridiculous to me.

The same thing is happening to toothpaste. It used to just clean your teeth, then it cleaned your teeth and gums, then it cleaned your teeth and gums and fought bad breath. Now toothpaste cleans your teeth and gums, fights bad breath, whitens enamel and addresses sensitivity to heat and cold. All in the same tube.

My question is, how do they fit all that stuff into one paste?

When they add the sensitivity fighters do you lose some of the gum cleaning?

Are breath-freshening sparkles preventing the whitening agents from reaching their true potential?

Or do all the different elements get along together? In which case, what’s next?

Every morning for the past week I have passed a big police crack-down.

Between 4 and 8 police officers congregate every morning on the corner of Jean Mance and Rene Levesque to bring law and order to Montreal streets. They are working hard to make the streets a safer place for all of us and, in fact, this morning when I walked past they were writing no fewer than 4 tickets…for j-walking.

The good news is, with 8 police officers spending their time catching j-walkers on their way to work, the park is a little bit safer for dogs off the leash. And believe me, with the sun shining and snow melting - finally - the dogs need to run around off leash a bit to get their spring fling in before the police migrate up from Rene Levesque and target their next crack down on another major threat to our security - people who walk their dog off leash in the park at 7am on a weekday.

The whole endeavor actually reminds me of a daylast fall when we went to Ikea. There were half a dozen police officers walking through the parking lot making sure that the car doors were locked. Bert and I thought that this was a very nice thing to do.

Turns out that it’s illegal to leave you’re car unlocked in Montreal - the police officers were handing out tickets to everyone who’s door opened.

So the night before last I was out buying presents for my second ever baby shower. This is very exciting for me because now I really feel like a grown up.

Anyway, knowing nothing about toys or clothes for little tiny babies, and not really wanting to understand breast pumps and other unrecognizable paraphernalia (mostly yellow plastic encased in rubber), I decided on books.

Talk about a walk down memory lane. Since my brother is 11 years younger than me I have a whole stock of stories that I used to love to read to him. In fact his baby shower was my first ever (19 years in between - I guess I don’t know very fertile people). Anyway here are a few of my favorites:

Goodnight Moon - especially the line, ‘goodnight cow jumping over the moon’ which I think I might have actually made up but I still like it and, if it isn’t in the book, it should be.

The Hungry, Hungry Caterpillar - a story that teaches children two things (1) how to count and (2) the all important lesson that if you stuff yourself full of junk food, you will become a beautiful butterfly - oh rats, I spoiled the ending

Beatrix Potter - the tale of Peter Rabbit may just be the reason that I was afraid of men when I was little - I mean that Farmer MacGregor is one mean sob

I Love You Forever - this book is actually the only proof I have that my middle brother is not, in fact, the cold hearted business man he always portrays. Every night when he was a kid my mom would say ‘I love you forever’ and he would answer ‘I like you for always’. Very, very soppy n’est pas?