1. Tights - because you wear them once or twice and then either (i) a toe pokes through, (ii) a run forms, or (iii) the crotch splits.

2. Taxis - because I feel like I’m being lazy when I take a taxi instead of one of the cheaper options (walk, bike, bus, etc.)

3. Any food at a movie theatre - because I could totally sneak it in for half the price and besides, I’m already spending 13 friggin dollars on the movie

4. Any food at an airport - ok, so people in an airport are pretty much a captive audience, and if I ran an airport restaurant I would totally take advantage of that…but still

5. Magazines - because with all the good stuff on the internet why would I spend $5 and 1/1000th of a tree just to have 100 pages of glossy adds and 20 pages of stuff I want to read

I was in the bathroom today exchanging pleasantries with a colleague - as women are obliged to do in toilet-land. After contemplating wether or not men have similar obligations (I decided that I don’t actually care) I pondered something my colleague had said.
“I wish there was two of me to get all of this work done”

You know what, if there was two of me they sure as hell wouldn’t both be at work!

If there was two of me, I would alternate with myself so that one of me was always on vacation. Real vacation too with no chores to do, no bills to pay, no committments to live up to.

You know the weird part, I’m pretty sure that Bert and I could actually pull it off - as long as he stayed away from computer programming. Seriously we have similar enough skills and knowledge that we could totally find a job that we could alternate through. We’d still have three weeks a year of vacation time together but the rest of the time we would each work one week on - one week off.

I think that other people could do it to. Maybe I should set up a website to match people with similar jobs so they could find a work-sharing-partner. Sure they’d have to share the salary and benefits too - which might get tricky around bonus time, but think of all the benefits.

Speaking of bonus time, does it really exist? I’ve never worked anywhere with Christmas bonuses and I’m begining to think that they’re just myths designed to propegate jealousy.

If I could sleep for a week I would. Then maybe I’d wake up without a sore throat, a demented tooth of stabbing doom, and a mood as grey as a whale (a grey whale that is).

If I could have a non-passive agressive boss I would. Then maybe my leave requests wouldn’t get ‘lost on the desk’, my deadlines wouldn’t be set for a month before everyone elses and I wouldn’t hear about how “other people are complaining” when there’s no one complaining but him.

If I could be happy all the time I would. Then I wouldn’t feel guilty about being in a bad mood, I wouldn’t get mad at the dog just because she left a spikey stick on the floor right beside the bed and I wouldn’t have shoulder muscles as tense as a tightrope strung between the Eifel tower and the Louvre.

If I could think of the perfect Christmas present for my husband I would. But dude, I have no idea what to get him this year and I’m really starting to worry that on Christmas morning the only thing he’ll be opening is a bottle of Baileys I bought from the duty free on my way to France.

Today is one of those days that makes you want to crawl under a quilt and watch cheesy romantic comedies (preferably from the 80’s) all day long.

Instead I had to go to the dentist.

On the positive side my husband did drive me so my time spent in the sleet / rain was kept to a minimum.

On the negative side I have to use a half - day of sick leave.

On the positive side I still have 4 sick days to use between now and the end of April.

On the negative side at least one of those will be spent having me wisdom teeth ripped out of my jaw bone.

I’m trying to think of another positive side but I really can’t - I mean I got drugs but they won’t kick in for a couple of days and I forwent the codine which I may end up regretting tonight.

My tooth still hurts - the dentist said it might turn pussy before it starts to get better - ew.

The sleet has turned the sidewalk to solid ice (aka recipe for a broken ankle). And the wind is blowing so hard that opening an umbrella is like kite boarding - only with less control.

I did buy $30 worth of cheese today. That’s something isn’t it?