What I’ve learned about all inclusive resorts:

1. There are actually people who add rum to their drink at 10 am

2. Nobody goes to an all inclusive resort alone (which results in the most depressing expressions of sympathy when I make a dinner reservation for one)

3. It is possible to put on five pounds in two days, all you need is three buffet meals each day with (i) a gallon jug of syrup served with the pancakes at breakfast (ii) a larger dessert section than salad bar at lunch and (iii) creamy sauces on every dish at dinner

4. It is really depressing to work ten hour days surrounded by people on vacation.