If any of you want to be able to take me seriously from this point forward, stop reading now. Seriously, you might never look at me the same way again.

It all began on my flight back from London. The flight attendant handed me the menu and there under ’snack before landing’ I saw two fantastic little words “clotted cream”. Actually the exact wording was tea biscuits (aka scones) with jam and clotted cream but I really only cared about the and part.

Anyhow, never one to worry about seeming like a cheap bastard I asked the flight attendant if she could slip my some clotted cream at the end of the flight if there was any left over. There was and I walked off the plane with 9 single-servings of clotted cream (which I then proceeded to smuggle across the border into Canada - no sir, no dairy).

Needless to say I have been eating a lot of clotted cream over the past week which is what enabled me to discover a strange property of clotted cream. It seems that eating clotted cream for breakfast every morning turns pee florescent yellow. Seriously florescent. This is no asparagus or brocolli florescent but a true, bright, potentially glow in the dark (I haven’t tried) yellow.

Do you think it means that something equally unnatural is happening to my insides? Purple liver? Polka-dot intestine?

Either way, I only have two more servings left so on Monday I will be clotted cream free. I’ll let you know how long it takes for my pee to get back to normal. I know you’re all desperately interested now.