I’ve seen my share of rather basic toilets. In Kenya I often had to make use of the pit in the ground. In Korea squat toilets are the norm (it’s ok though, the guidebook had all the relevant info on which way to aim, proper squating technique, etc.). I’ve also come across more squishy padded toilet seats than I care to remember (on principle I have no objection to padded toilet seats but during late night toilet runs they give me no end of butt-induced suprise).

Anyway, this post is not about any of the aforementioned seats because, despite the many stories I could tell of each one toilet seat stands so far apart from the others that I could not, in good faith, devote this space to anything but the Heaven Sent Toilet Seat from Japan (the HSTSJ).

The HSTSJ is truly a marvel of engineering. I don’t know if any one scientist is responsible for the miracle but if so I think he/she should be nominated for a special nobel prize for the betterment of mankinds enjoyment of the world.

The first time I came across the HSTSJ I was in awe of its splendor, there were so many buttons and knobs and blocky things with no well-defined purpose. I admit to being a bit affraid.

Then, one day, in the bowels of a department store selling $500 t-shirts and $1500 arrangements of flowers I found it again. The stall seemed far too small to properly display the splendor of the HSTSJ however it did offer a certain intimacy, a closeness which seemed somehow stolen from the real world.

The warm (yes…warm) grey seat beckoned me and I revelled. I tentatively reached out to touch the button with a blue imprinted musical note and a clinking aria worthy of the finest hoe-down issued forth. I played with the volume button, taking the glorious song from a quiet whisper to its thunderous climax.

Then I moved to the flushing button. Ah no, the flushing button does not actually flush the toilet, it does, however make a flushing sound to drown out all other noises which may be less savory than the swirl of water in a porcelain bowl.

There were more buttons and more knobs that controlled directed sprays of water from three different angles. Not my personal favorite feature (almost had me leaping off the HSTSJ in a drippy, pants around tha ankles mess) but I could nevertheless appreciate the genius of having so many tiny spurts of water dancing at your whim.

Deciding that I had basqued in glory for long enough I pressed the buttons again to turn everything off.

Everything kept going

I pressed the ‘emergency stop button’ (yes, the HSTSJ was equpied with an emergency stop button).

Everything kept going

I pressed all buttons together while twisting knobs left and right

Everything kept going

I turned the volume down as low as it could go

And snuck out of the washroom quickly and quietly so no one would notice that I had somehome insulted the HSTSJ to such an extent that it took it upon itself to refuse the commands of humans.

But it was worth it!

You know there’s nothing like getting something I really want given and then taken away again to make me look back on all the details of me that must have cosmically justified such torment. And so, I present the reasons why the universe is justified in being mean to me:

Things I do too much of
i) nagging
ii) assuming the worst of people
iii) getting angry at nothing in particular
iv) expecting everyone to be perfect

Things I don’t do enough of
i) complimenting people
ii) smiling at strangers
iii) telling my husband how great he is
iv) walking a mile in other people’s shoes
v) accepting my faults and working to fix them

I resent
i) life’s injustices…but I don’t do anything about them
ii) people who let me down…but I don’t recognize that I’m responsible for buidling unrealistic expectations in the first place
iii) the HR department…which really isn’t out to get me
iv) the fact that I’m not making the slightest difference in the world…realistically though, I’m not really trying
v) the fact that money does matter to me

I’m jealous of
i) people who’ve made all the right decisions
ii) people who know exactly what they want out of life
iii) people with jobs they love
iv) people who can look in the mirror and love the person looking back at them

I not thankful enough for
i) the fact that I can still pay the bills
ii) the hope I still have
iii) all the people who love me

No there is no error in the title. After yesterday’s discussions of ‘let me find out when they’re going to send the contract’ (followed by a celebratory dinner) today I got an email updating me that ‘when enquiring about your contract it came to my attention that the selection committee hasn’t actually met yet’.

I am so sick and tired of being strung along by these people but they keep feeding me just enough hope to keep me sitting here like an idiot continuing to volunteer my time for no money or recognition.

Am I being screwed?

I was of the opinion that my old boss is the sweetest, nicest, most honest boss I’ve ever had but now I’m starting to wonder if he is, in fact, an evil genius. Perhaps he is not pushing anything because he knows that when I start working I will have to do my work instead of his? Perhaps I am becoming one of those people I pity, you know the ones who keep getting taken advatage of by mean people but don’t notice that they are.

And why, oh why, can’t someone just give me a straight answer?

Let me end this post with a resounding and heartfelt ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

So I think I got good news about my job today. I mean I still don’t have a formal offer but I got confirmation from one additional person that I am at least recommended for the position. This makes me very, very happy and almost justifies everything I’ve done over the past year. Granted there’s still a long way to go but I am allowing myself a bit of a celebration today and, more importantly, I’m letting go of some of the guilt I’ve been carrying around for the past six months.

I feel prettier already!

As you know my Grandmother died back in the spring. The loss was particularily felt by her two daughters my mother and my aunt. Both my mother and my aunt mirror my Grandmother’s view of the universe…a spirituality centered around a God but with the influence of other forces such as fate and the spirit of the Earth. As such it was natural that my mother and my aunt would continue to communicate with my Grandmother and listen for her answer; kind of a guardian spirit type thing.

My aunt has come to the conclusion that my Grandmother is a vengeful spirit punishing those who would do her family wrong. It gives her pause when she ‘talks’ to her because she doesn’t want to call down wrath on those who don’t completely deserve it.

My mother feels that my Grandmother is a gentle hands-off spirit who gives her encouragement to do what she has to do and forewarns of positive things to come. My mother asks my Grandmother to let whatever is best happen and trusts that what might, at first, appear to be a bad thing is, in fact, the best thing in the giant scheme that is this world.

I thank my Grandmother for the memories she left me with and appreciate all of the little things she left behind but I don’t really ask for anything because I guess, when I’m honest with myself, I don’t really think that she can make things happen.

I’m not sure who’s right about my Grandmother but I do tend to believe that we all take from her memory the things that we personally need most.