Well I’m married now and feel that I should start being far more responsible than I currently am. I have become the metaphorical mother bear; I have to start tipping the garbage cans of life over and spilling the contents across the sidewalk so someone else can partake in the putrid pleasures alongside me rather than daintily reaching in and pulling out enough sustenance for myself alone.

For me, this whole being more responsible, mother bear, thing boils down to lists; there’s something so organized, structured, and incredibly not-me about lists and I feel I can no longer escape the lure of such an adult endeavor. So here it is…

To Do…

1. Get even with the evil janitor living in our building

Rationale: The guy is evil, I mean truly evil, he (i) lays traps to get our dog to bark (like banging on the wall in the stairwell which backs onto our apartment) and then rushes to the apartment manager to complain about the noise and (ii) accuses us of breaking the ‘apartment rules’ at every turn: ‘you’re not allowed to park here…oh it’s your assigned spot, well your left back wheel is slightly over the line’ ‘you’re not allowed to loiter in the lobby…oh your buzzer is broken and I haven’t fixed it yet, well you should tell your friends to buy cell phones so you don’t disturb people by waiting here for them’ etc.

Plan: Enlist the assistance of the Cirque de Soleil troupe who just moved into our building.
Picture this: you’re a grumpy old janitor toddling around your building when suddenly you’re plagued with repeated sightings of people hanging from balconies and strange acrobats twisted into pretzel shapes in the elevator, as if that’s not enough, every night, at about 2am you’re woken from your evil dreams by a pair of circus clowns knocking on your door to borrow sugar…end result, insanity! Mwa ha ha ha ha!

2. Instantly develop some semblance of talent for interior decorating
Rationale: We’re about to buy a new apartment and new furniture to go along with it and we feel like it’s time to move on from Ikea. Ah, gone are the days when we were happy walking into the ‘As Is’ section of Ikea and choosing whatever bed, sofa, chair, desk, curtains, shelves, etc. happened to be piled against the wall. Now that we both have jobs we feel like we should plan our apartment and, while we’re not forsaking Ikea completely (that would just be sheer madness) we want to broaden our horizons.

Plan: Hang out in magazine stores browsing through home design magazines until I get kicked out (I was considering doing the whole TLC thing and planning the entire apartment around a particular vase or fancy painting but I only own an orange vase and, as nice as it is, an orange-based apartment might be a bit much)

3. Learn how to pole vault
Rationale: I’ve always wanted to be really good at something (average is ok, but not great…tee hee). Anyway, I have a bendy back which seems like it would be a good thing for pole vaulting and so I think I should give it a shot.

Plan: Well I figure I need to build my upper body strength but I don’t have a gym membership or anything so I’ll start by doing handstands against the wall until my arms get so wobbly I almost fall on my head. After that I’m fresh out of ideas since when I went to the book store I couldn’t find pole vaulting for dummies…I am seriously considering bamboo poles and a volleyball net though.